A Lover’s Grieve

I didn’t know that I loved you
Until the day that I remembered
I thought it would hurt less once I’ve forgotten
But each day was just days passing with your shadows

Numbed
Sometimes, I wonder if I would ever be able to feel again
Sometimes, I wonder if this pain would ever ended

My first love
I remembered the night you hold my hand
Under the sheet
We talked of the future and the past
Where you were and would be
Those memories when..
‘Love’ wasn’t spoken but you and I –
We knew

Destiny has forsaken us,
And I –
I grieve for the day I’ve lost you
My first love
My dearest friend
My sanity
My love

Rest and sleep now
I’ll let you go
I promise….

It would be alright.

I Wish You Knew

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The time I miss the the most is the time when I loved you

It began with a hand – you reached me when I was almost drown

We were running- both you and I

Do you still remember that day?

The day when we laughed and argued and made up over a hug?

When you had a paint over your cheek

And I was shaken over my own fear

I never felt as safe as I once were

When you ruffled my hair and kissed the side of my forehead

And wrapped me in your arms afterwards

Or when we bundled ourselves inside the blanket

And talked about the future that we knew could never be

I said my goodbye that night

When we wrote our names and our dreams

And let it flew over the night’s sky

Unspoken

Those three words remained in silence

Years and years

And I thought that I would have forgotten by now

But how could I?

When loving you taught me how to love

The chapter I had lived – you were

A chance I wasn’t brave enough to take

A past tense that hasn’t lived into the future

I may forget your words, your laugh or silly things like how you scrunched your eyebrow together when you were confused

Someday, I may forget all the memories

But you; I won’t be

For you are a beautiful chapter

Treasured beneath these words

And for this single moment – I hope these words reach you

Regardless of our distance

I wish that you knew

How I miss the time when I was in love with you

 

– Nur Hassan-

( 3th August 2016, South Side of Nowhere- Malaysia)

Penjara

 

 

arti-mimpi-penjara
” Berikan aku kunci. Bebaskan aku.”

 

Terperangkap.

Siang dan malam, aku hidup bagai dalam penjara. Ya, aku bisa melihat matahari, bulan dan bintang. Aku boleh berlari, aku boleh melompat dan berjalan.

Aku senyum. Aku ketawa. Mereka berkata bahawa aku bebas melakukan apa sahaja.

Dusta.

Rantai di kaki hanya aku yang melihat. Gari di pergelangan hanya aku yang merasa batasnya.

Apakah kau pernah merasa keterbatasan itu?

Berikan aku kunci. Bebaskan aku.

Atau mungkin, dunia ini tidak pernah punya kebebasan.

Tidak sepenuhnya.

-Nur Hassan-

(1 Ogos 2016, Plaza Rakyat – Kuala Lumpur)

 

 

Melancholy of a Writer

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I have to write,

For a soul that I’ve never known,

For a heart that I want to touch,

For a life that I want to save.

I don’t have money,

Neither fame nor prestige,

But I do have words,

Parts of my soul,

Parts of my heart.

You do not know me,

And I do not know you,

But these words are for you,

I don’t know what would happen tomorrow,

But I am here,

I am my words,

And I am here for you.

 

-NUR HASSAN- (7:08 p.m./Malaysia)

Mirror

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Image reflected on the mirror,
Older now, your face full of terror.

Withered- whisperes slowly turned onto screams,
Sleepless nights of unbound dreams.

Empty- now where does your soul leave you?
Where is that innocence that once you?

Hands over the mirror,
You traces all the lines you could see,
Where have all the years left you?

Breathing used to be easy,
When has it turned onto a chore?

You shook your head-
You realized, you knew.

Would you fight it?
Would you accept it?
Would you give up?
Or would you give in?

To the mirror on the wall,
To the image that is you.

-NUR HASSAN-
(1:19 p.m./Malaysia)

Idiosyncratic

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Idiosyncratic,

You and I-

We are different,

A person that you are,

Could never be a person that is me,

Eyes closed,

Hands interwined,

Isn’t this beautiful?

You like soccer,

I like chess,

I love to see you sweat,

You love to see me think,

See,

Differences bring us closer,

So why should it be a bad thing?

When love could be such a good thing.

 

-NUR HASSAN-

(3:31 p.m./Malaysia)

Dear Dearest

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Dear dearest,
We had a tea,
A coffee and a cake,
Earl grey came first,
Then americano and latte,
Hours passed by,
Though now it seems like seconds,
We didn’t take a picture,
Our memories would simply do-
You asked me of friendship and relations,
And I told you,
You’d be my children’s aunt,
I could simply plan and do,
But I couldn’t fathom the fate that could be,
Or what the future would bring,
Is it going to be good?
Or, is it going to be otherwise?
I couldn’t tell you much,
But this is my hand now,
And if you would reach this hand-
Then this poem is for you,
And you my dear,
Is and always would be,
My dearest friend.

-NUR HASSAN-
(11:04 p.m/Malaysia)

13th Floor – Unit 9

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“It was a place without option, a place out of sheer desperation”

13th floor – unit 9,
It wasn’t a nice unit,
Wasn’t a safe neighbourhood either,
It was a place without option,
A place out of sheer desperation,
One step inside the lift-if we were ‘lucky’, the stairs,
Oh, I still remember the reek-
Of alcohol, drugs, dung and sometimes urine,
Cries of abuse were often heard,
But how does one lend a hand when it wasn’t welcome?
One wonders how we could live,
But live we did,
And dream we did.
Having faith wasn’t easy,
In such a hopeless place.
But it was there that-
We first learnt of the world
Outside of sheer expectation,
And it was there that we learnt-
To build,
To chase,
To work,
For dreams that we thought-
Could never be.

-NUR HASSAN-

(8:59 p.m./Malaysia)

 

Phantom of the Opera

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” I looked at him now, and I see the same old smiles and the same old eyes…”

Tried to understand
But I-
Just couldn’t comprehend

Books taught a lot of things
but it can only do so much
when it comes to human and emotions

I looked at him now
And I see the same old smile
With the same old eyes
Shades with layers of kaleidoscope
So lonely, so sad, yet so beautiful

“Why?”-
Oh, such an innocent question

“Phantom of the Opera; have you read it before?”
I have.

2 shades, 2 masks-
Eric hides beneath the two,
Fell in love-he did fall hard for Christine
2 masks then became one
She was afraid, she ran away
He died- Devastated.

He looked at me-
Was this how Eric laid out his heart to Christine?

Warmth.
I could see his breath shortened-
When I put my arms around him

I didn’t have any words of comfort
I still have a lot to comprehend
And truth may not be as sweet

But if he is Eric
And I am Christine
Then
I would always
Be here to stay.

-NUR HASSAN-
(8:03 a.m./ MALAYSIA)

 

The Old Paper Card

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“This love that could never be-would remain there. Unheard. Unspoken.”

“Yesterday, I could see her laugh,
I could see her grin,
And her smiles,
And her little frown-
One she always does when she gets confused,
Or irritated,
It’s funny how years passed,
And yet, I can’t seem to forget,
4 months older than me,
She was everything I yearn to be,
But couldn’t be,
I never knew how to love,
Until that night-
When she hold me like no one ever did,
Tainted. Undeserved.
My lips were sealed.
My heart soared,
Yet I couldn’t mutter a word,
Secret remain unspoken,
Promise remain unbroken,
This love that couldn’t be,
Would be kept in silence-
Story that remain there,
Buried. Unheard.
Unspoken.

Just like this card would be-

Love,

Me to you. ”

Nur Hassan

(7:00 PM /Malaysia/ Violet and Theo)